I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
