Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
