Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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