They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
