I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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