This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
