So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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