Just fell off a train. Bad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
