the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
