Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
