It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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