I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
