1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
