she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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