i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
