Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
