I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
