What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
