all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
