so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
