The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
