At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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