They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
