It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Less talking, more tequila
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
