I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
