The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
