You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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