I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
