Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
