you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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