I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
