I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
