i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
