It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you never un-have a 4some
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
