don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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