It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
