you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
