Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
