So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
