It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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