So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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