Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
