my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
