batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
