Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
