I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
