i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
