i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
