We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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