So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
